Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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