I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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