So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
