We're facebook friends in real life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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