So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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