she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
