perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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