I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
