There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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