I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
