I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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