And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
