it's not cheating when I paid for it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
