Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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