I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
