Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
