Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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