I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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