Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
