i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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