She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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