The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
