I think i peed on brittanys purse
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
