adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
