I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
