Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
