i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
