He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
