New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
