I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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