just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
