i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
