There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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