Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
