Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
