sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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