I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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