On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face