At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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