Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
