I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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