Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
