im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
