Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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