Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
