The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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