Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
