Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
