operation harelip BJ is a go
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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