he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize