we made out on top of his cat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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