I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
