I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
