i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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