Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
