you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
