i wish peter jackson would direct porn
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
