My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
